Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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