she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
40s are totally the cure
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
