My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
