why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
