So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
