so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
