threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
