so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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