All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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