the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
