Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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