I like my sex mixed with concussions.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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