There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
