Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
