Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i think my cat just said my name.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
