You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
