how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
