Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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