She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize