You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i came on her dog
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
