Can i not drive my cunt home
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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