i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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