She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
