first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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