I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
