You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
