What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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