i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He has the fingertips of a God
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