The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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