So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
