just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize