My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
