Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
