I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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