Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
