I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
3pm strippers are depressing
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
