Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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