rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
