So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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