come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
