so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I intend to get homeless drunk
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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