Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
