Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
