New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
