There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
