I cannot find my penis.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
