the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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