You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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