One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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