Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
