Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
