Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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