He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
