dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
