I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
