No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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