Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
