so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
