I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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