Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
