she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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