i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
