new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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