I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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