I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize